Shannon Murray: Journal

I've been kind of busy and haven't updated my tour schedule here. Check out www.riotfolk.org for current info!!

hey folks... I know you've noticed I haven't been out on the road lately, and I wanted to write a little note to say thanks for all the emails and show offers. I promise I will be touring again soon. Right now I am feeling the need to be home and work in my community. You are all in my heart. I can't wait to see you again. Until then, come visit Bemidji!

P.s. East coast folks--- I am coming out for a conference in Boston at the end of the month. Hope to see some of yr smiling faces!

Hey folks! I am still on a much needed vacation, though there is no shortage of work to do. John and I are still trying to buy a house. (so keep yr fingers crossed)

I just wanted to post a short note to let you all know that Cuomo! and I are getting all geared up for a bike tour this fall of Minnesota. We are still looking for help setting up shows and networking with some rad local folks who do environmental justice work. Check out the dates here, or at http://www.riotfolk.org/tours.php?tour_id=17

XXO
Shannon

I've been a bit absent, not just as an "on-line, here's what I'm up to way" but in life, in general. Seems there are always times like this where you have to struggle and figure things out. I haven't even begun, but I am feeling better.

I started having severe anxiety around people... strangers, friends, people i love. it is such a strange thing, and more strange to suddenly realize how afraid I am, and not really have any concrete reasons for how I am feeling. And to finally start talking to people and hear that this isn't my own isolated, fearful, crazy-making, neurotic party. We are living in crazy times. We are beautiful, intuitive. feeling creatures (even if it isn't on a conscious level all the time) and it makes sense to feel overwhelmed and sad. I guess what I am trying to say is that I have honestly been in some of my darkest times and I'm probably going to be here for a bit... thinking and meditating, and dreaming and listening and building. kansas has nothing on this:)

I hope to see you all very soon. Come to bemidji and visit.... it may be a while before I do any big tours.

I just wanted to thank all of you SOOOOO much for all of your good thoughts, and mojo working prayers, and for being so understanding while my family and I are going through all of htis tough stuff. I really appreciate it, and I hope to see all of your smiling faces very soon.

Much love back at you!

So folks- here is the scoop. That grant I got is the best news I could have heard. It makes it possible to make two cds by the new year, but I am still about $300 dollars short to finish the split. Some folks have already pre-ordered the new albums, and if you have it in your heart and in your bank account- send a little love my way with a letter telling me which cds you want, and I'll ship a little cd or two or ten back to you when they are all done!!! As always, they are sliding scale: $5-20.

My address is:
Shannon Murray
P.O. Box 1927
Bemidji, MN 56619-1927

Lots of love, and a little fear...

But in spite of my inability to have any patience, I still recieved that anticipated envelope in the mail when it was due to arrive- and no sooner.

I opened it and read it and jumped up and down and sqeaked a little- pivot, jump, jump, pivot, sqeak. Nope- I'm not in the WNBA after all, but I did get a $1,000 grant to make my new cd, and I am pumped up!!!!

Much love to all of you who have sent good thoughts and lovin' my way. And for having so much patience with this silly little cd. I promise it'll be worth all this waiting.

XXO
Shannon

It is true.

Good news coming soon...

I left Bemidji yesterday- heading south towards St. Louis with a few fantastic stops for shows and hugs along the way.

I thought I would cry. I thought it would be harder to leave, but I'm happy to be back playing music, and I am looking forward to coming home again with a million lessons learned and stories to share.

That's the optimistic take on things at least:)

As for the pessimistic- the IRS sent me a letter saying I suck at doing taxes and owe them money and a few colleges who owe me money from spring still haven't sent me the checks. So I pretty much break into tears at any mention of money or bills. I don't want to live like this forever. It is hard not having a safety net. I've been thinking a lot about this lately. I am going to have to get clever-er. I'm writing a grant right now to do the new cd, so fingers crossed... please.

And also- as always- if you are feeling angelic and saviorish and would like to make a down-payment on either the "love and fear" split with Ryan or the "elated" cd to help with the up-front recording and printing coststhe address is:

Shannon Murray
P.O. Box 1927
Bemidji, MN 56619-1927

My mom has the key to the box and will be playing banker for me. Her name is Sue and if you want to send her little notes too she'd love that.

I'll write more soon.

So unofficially we are calling the split "Love and Fear". It won't be finished before I head out on the bike tour and Ryan leaves for his "Uprise" counter-recruitment tour (speaking of- if you have any extra money in yr pockets the folks that are organizing this tour would greatly appreciate donations). So there will be a release party in Bemidji sometime in December maybe after I get back to the sticks and before heading out east. You can still pre-order it if you want and I'll get my fabulous mama to send you one in the mail when they are finished.

I am so excited!

...that people think I have up and died!

It is not true, not true at all. I've been hiding away from the world and technology and what a wonderful thing.

Anyway- I'll try to to a reappearing act in the weeks leading up to the bike tour. Sorry if you thought I died.

Love,
Shannon
XXO

The Ryan Harvey/Shannon Murray split is all recorded. We are going to get it mastered next week and packaged up by next month. Hopefully come up with a name for it by then:) Are you as excited as I am??

Also- I returned to Mahtowa last weekend to participate in the Highway 61 Folks Festival Songwriters Contest and they gave me first place for the garden song!!! Its been an ok couple of weeks.

I guess I should start by saying I am stealing wireless from the local sorta conservative coffeeshop in town. Sometimes I buy things, but today I don't want anything but internet access.

Maybe it is karma kicking my ass or just a reminder that I should get up off it and do something, but I am currently sitting across from this total asshole and his passive as can be lady friend who laughs at every damn thing he says. They are sitting five feet from me talking about thanking God and Jesus and Mary mother of God for making AIDS to kill the gays and that we need to get the government on the same page and outlaw gay marriage once and for all because that is what rational God lovin' folks must do to keep the world a float. People actually think like this! People actually think like this?

I tell them what they are saying pisses me off and a whole lotta other things I don't want to get into repeating right now.

I am so done with rage, but it's such a constant melody, rhythm beating out in my mind. Today I need hope. Need to witness love. Need to act before I scream at the top of my righteous lungs.

...Minnesota
...elation
...love
...sublime wonder
...heartbreak
...disbelief

Sometimes it is easier to forget. Sometimes I forget to speak out when I am in the moment- great moments, moments of defeat, smiling moments, sorrowful moments, moments in general, so I'd like to take some time today sitting in the Kansas City Public Library to give the full report- or as much as I can give before my time runs out...

I spent a wonderful weekend in Grand Marais enjoying the oceanic feel of Lake Superior and experiencing the deep energy radiating from some of the oldest exposed rock on the planet (at least that is what they tell the tourists).

I spent the hours before leaving on that journey at the local laundromat washing clothes and crying at the news from LA that police broke into a long-standing squatted community garden and forcibly evicted the folks who were defending it and protesting its destruction. They bull-dozed parts of the two city blocks the garden encompasses, throwing plants that sustain 350 poor families into the trash to make way for some warehouse for - Walmart maybe- who knows? Read and rage for yourself

http://la.indymedia.org/

http://www.indymedia.org/en/2006/06/840859.shtml

Yes, rage and frustration and fear and a desire to understand why.

And hope... because people are still there fighting to save the farm.

Check out their website
http://www.southcentralfarmers.com/

I can't write lately. So much has happened. It is like there are no words. I feel like a teenager with huge feet and crazy long arms stumbling around in my consciousness.

And amidst the tangle of lost gardens, lost children, lost me... I've found this lovely space in Bemidji, in myself that feels more like home than anytime I can remember. Love is a funny thing inspiring you like that. Makes you all dizzy and smiles and that big knot of fear in the bottom of your stomach and that feeling of immortality and that feeling of imminent flight and that feeling of eternity and that feeling of hopefulness. We can plant gardens where warehouses used to be

with our hands
our hearts
our hunger
our fear
our hope
our sorrow
our dreams
our rage
our dispair
with our love

Grant me my statehood.

AHHHHH! THey just put up the schedules for FOlk Fest. I am playing on the Bur Oak State at 4pm on Friday. Annalise and Heather are at the same stage at 2:30pm. Come out and support the Bemidji ladies!!!

Here's the link http://www.winnipegfolkfestival.ca/files/2006_sched/friday.pdf

I will be heading out of town by bus on Monday to support a friend of mine who has recently lost custody of her children. I wanted to create a space where the voices of women like her could be heard. Below is a statement she sent me by Sandra McCord (which is a pseudonym for a group of women dealing with these issues and offering support to eachother)

-------------------------------

Men are using the courts to legally steal children from their loving mothers. Children who have spent their whole lives with their mothers. These mothers were most often the primary caregivers pre-divorce. Most, but not all, of these men were mentally and/or physically abusive to the women and the children during the relationship. Yet the courts believe their lies and give custody of these children to the abuser.

Post-divorce these men begin to use the children as pawns to hurt the mothers. They fabricate stories and exaggerate the truth about things the mother has done, in order to make the women look bad in court. If they don't win the first battle, they try; and try again, until they win. All this is done under the guise of what is in the 'best interest of the child'.

Mothers are held to a much higher standard when it comes to a custody battle than fathers are. Take a sip of a drink; take a Tylenol for pain, dare to date, and you risk losing your kids. The same is certainly not true of father's.

While these non-custodial moms (NCM) are sometimes awarded visitation after their children are legally stolen, the courts often fail to enforce the visitation order. Some women end up not seeing their children for years. The children are told lies by their father. "Your mother gave you to me", "your mother didn't love you", "your mother didn't want you anymore", etc. These children grow up with huge scars on their heart, which take years to heal if they ever do.

There is a social stigma that comes with being an NCM. Someone learns that you don't have custody of your children, and the first assumption often is: "What did she do to lose her children?" People wonder, "did she bandon them?" "Did she do drugs", "did she drink", "did she abuse her children?" "She must be a horrible person." The majority of people think that women are automatically awarded custody, unless they are rotten mothers.

There are no words to describe the pain a mother goes through when she is separated from her children. The bottom line is, when a mother is fit and loving and has been the primary care giver of a child since birth; the separation is devastating beyond description. Women often feel very alone when they've lost their children to their fathers thru the courts. They don't think there are any other mothers out there that don't have their kids, yet did nothing wrong.

These NCM's have often never worked outside the home. They suddenly find themselves ordered to pay child support to someone who is earning 10-20 times what they make, 20-50f their NET income. This makes it next to impossible for them to keep a roof over their heads, let alone provide clothing and food for their children when they have visitation. They don't qualify for assistance, because child support counts as a part of their income, not the father's. They pay taxes on this child support, and don't have the benefit of the tax deduction, in most cases.

Some of these men think they are doing what is best for their children in their warped sense of reality. Some do it just to have control. Some do it just to punish the woman that dared to leave the marriage.

Awareness needs to be raised about the plight of NCM's and their children everywhere. Shared parenting laws need to be repealed. GAL's, psychiatrists, lawyers, judges, cps workers, and all who come in contact with a mother and/or child should be held accountable for their rulings. Changing laws is the only thing that will help.

Hey wonderful folks. I'll be taking a tour on Greyhound for a week at the end of this month. This a bit last minute, but I am really excited. I'll be going through Minneapolis, Kansas City, Norman, Wichita, and Lawrence. Get ahold of me if you'd like to pick me up all smelly and smiling at the bus station, and or help set up a show in any of these wonderful cities.

Holy Shit!

So I just got a little letter saying I am accepted to play in the Young Performer's Program at the Winnipeg Folk Festival. They uped the age limit and this old lady is in! I am soooo excited and I can't wait to see all the smiling Bemidji faces. I'll be playing sometime on Friday the 7th and I promise I'll let you know more when I know it.

AHHHHHH!!!

The best part about it all is my mom. She is so wonderful! Yesterday she called and left a GLOWING message saying she had the results for the folk festival young performers program, and I got all excited. So here I was thinking I'd gotten in, and I called her back, but then she said she hadn't even opened the letter and I did the five yr old "MAAAAAAAAWWWMMMMMM!" to which she replied with an oh I just know you're going to get in, and that is why I am so excited for you. And I did:)

You have gotta love her.

And then after calling pretty much everyone I know and screaming and jumping and fist hip hip horraying, I got some chocolatey, minty goodness soy delicious and strawberries and celebrated with some old and new friends, talked politics, got eaten by mosquitoes, and watched the kitties chase moths from fridge to counter with death defying leaps. What a wonderful day!

So I know in the scheme of things this isn't all that important, but I am pretty thrilled about it and seem to need to get it out of my system. So... this evening I played an open mic in Buffalo and after breaking three strings on two different guitars I got to end my set playing my new garden song on Ani Difranco's new guitar. The short version of how this all came to be is that the guy hosting the open mic used to teach her guitar or something and is breaking the guitar in for her. Anyway, holy shit huh?!

In important news... check out http://www.indybay.org/ for a story on Oaklanders taking over the Military Recruitment center and vandalizing it in full view of the media and the coppers with no arrests. Yeah power to the people!!! Organize and take action in your town.

So I got a little more excitement last night than I ever ever wanted. Driving from Oswego to Rochester a deer ran out in front of me, and between my brakes and some nascar driving I hope it will be alright. It ran away before I had even really registered what had just happened. I sat shaking by the side of the road cursing cars and higways and my dependence on them for a good ten minutes before heading to the nearest gas station to tape up my left front blinker. Bike tour here I come!

We rolled into Rochester about a half hour later to friendly smiles and chamomile tea. And then the coffee mug on the counter exploded into a million tiny pieces. I am not sure what all of this means, but I am feeling kind of marked.